PATrific RimXXX (Original Draft)

PATrific RimXXX (original draft)





I loved movies about giant monsters and robots fighting to the death. One of my favorite all time movies is Pacific Rim. That was some great shit. One day, I realised I didn't have it on DVD, because I was waiting for the special boxed edition or something like that. So one day, I decided to get it at the local video/DVD store. I went to the section it was in, and I found a strange looking copy. It said PATrific RimXXX. I was weirded out, but I bought the DVD anyway. The store clerk said that the last guy who bought a copy of the movie shat himself out from it, but I didn't listen because I'm too good for their stupid recommendations. I went home, and put the DVD in my Xbawcks Wun. Best console EVER. I was slightly concerned since the cover was just a regular Pacific Rim dvd cover, but with a new title, and same for the menu. Then the movie started to play. It started off in San Francisco. I was surprised because it wasn't like the movie. Instead of having any jaegers of kaijus, other stuff happened. There was a voice say “INCOMING KAIJU HEADING TOWARDS EARTH!” Then sky had a big explosion and out came EVIL PATRIXXX!!!! He started to eat everyone in the city, AND THERE WAS A LOT OF BLOOD!!! I was wondering why there was so much blood because I learned that people bled gravy. Oh well. Then something came to stop it! IT WAS MECHAGODZILLA! He lauched missiles and and stuff at EVIL PATRIXXX, but it didn't do anything.

MechaGodzilla knew he needed help. So he pulled out an iphone to call some help. This shocked me because this was 1986, and iphones didn't exist at the time. Then out of the sky comes his trusty friend, Aradiabot. Together, they were able to pin him down temporarily. Then EVIL PATRIXXX farted a huge fart, and used it as a



war horn to summon his best pal, RONALD MCFUCKINGDONALD! Aradiabot shot a SOUPER LAZER at Ronald Mcdonald, but he was too fast, and ate the lazer like a big ass mac. Ronald Mcdonald then used his lightning kick, launching Aradiabot into a building, killing her.



MechaGodzilla knew he was fucked now. Before EXIL PATRIXXX could finish him off though, a newcomer had come, IT WAS FRYGAN! He gave everyone fries, and then they all got fat and exploded INTO BLOOOD except EVIL PATRIXXX because he can eat as many big macs as he fucking wants. Then the credits started to roll and stuff. I was relieved that the movie was over. When I went to go eject it though, the dvd player started to rumble, AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT!



Trivia
- There was a sequel, and even a crossover with the Truth About Neon Genesis Evangelion in thought, but has yet to ever be written

