Mike Matei NES 2

Mike Matei NES 2

For the first one, click Here

(Disclaimer: Much like the first one, this isn't ment to offend anyone, I don't hate Mike Matei, and this is just for shits and giggles. Thanks. - MechaKingGhidorah789)



I moved into my new house just a month ago. I used to be a vivid gamer, so I had a well kept NES. My son would play it a lot. When he wasn't on the NES though, he was digging in the yard. He always used to pretend he was looking for dinosaur bones and treasure. Usual kid's stuff. One day though, he was digging in the yard, and he found something really worth value.

My son Jeffery came in through the door and said, “Daddy I found treasure!” He came in with something in his hand. I expected it to be an old can or something similar. He had an NES game. I was quite surprised. It was called Mike Matei NES. I had no idea who this Mike Matei guy was, but I thought I would give it a try. I washed it off and put it in my NES.

The title screen came up. It said Press Start to EXPAND YOUR DICK! I pressed start, but nothing happened to my dick. I was disappointed. Then the game started. It showed some guy in a blue shirt. Then some demon looking guys started to show up as Mike moved. I realized it was a cut scene. He then jumped into the air, and WHIPPED OUT HIS MASSIVE 12 INCH SHCLONG! I've always had a massive dick this big. This was my type of game! I went around the city area destoroying demons with my massive dick. It was great. I noticed that if I held the up button up long enough, and released it, Mike would slam his penis into the ground, launching himself up!

I faced regular demon looking enemies. Nothing really special. Then a boss approached me. It looked like a larger version of the regular demons. Unlike the regular demons though, he was able to block my attacks. After learning his pattern, I defeated him. I needed to super jump onto his head at the right time. Something strange happened here though. Mike's dick disappeared for a second. THEN IT SPRANG BACK RIGHT INTO THE DEMON'S FACE, TAKING IT CLEAN OFF! Blood then flooded out of the demon's body.

A new cutscene came on. It had all of the demons flying off into space, retreating from Earth. Mike then started to spin his penis around in a windmill like motion! He was using his helicopter dick to fly off into the stars! The next level was a like a space shooter, such as Life Force. I could use piss to shoot  down the winged monstosities! I was able to pick up schlong grenades, and could kill multiple demons at once. I saved these for the boss. If I was really lucky though,  I would get a white tablet, and I would shoot cum all over the place, whiping out all of the enemies on the screen! I also saved a few for the boss. Then the boss came in. He was a winged mother fucker who shot turd missles! He was shooting them out like a turd machine gun TURD TURD TURD TURD TURD TURD TURD TURD TURD! I launched all of my grenades and cum tablets at him. It did quite some damage to him. The trick was shoot his wings, so he could be defeated. After I shot wings enough, he went down easy, and I procceeded to the next level.

The next cutscene started. Mike helicopter dicked himelf to a large space station. The space station was in the shape of a humungous penis! He penetrated his way in, and I got to play again. This time, instead of the usual demon enemies, THEY WERE ROBOTIC NOW!!!! They were tougher than the regular enemies from Earth. They could block all of my attacks, and took much more hits to defeat. I then saw a penis icon, and grabbed it. It upgraded my dick attacks! Now my dick could shoot like in the space stage! I had dick missles! I played enough Ghostbusters on NES to be a master at button tapping, and I was fast as shit! I launched enough, and the demons all exploded into even more dick icons!

I proceeded down the next hallway of the space station. It gave me a rapid fire dick icon before I entered the next door. When I went in, there was a flying swarm of little penises everywhere! I realized why I was given the rapid fire upgrade. Luckily, I could hold the button down, so press that shit, and didn't let it go. I also switched to my dick whacking attack, and take a bunch out at once. To be honest though, this was probably the most fun stage for me. Then the hoard finally went down. The next cutscene started. It showed the dicks from the hoard, but they were all forming up into one! It was the final dick demon boss! He looked like a giant dragon, BUT IT WAS MADE OF DICKS! I laughed my ass off at this. It then spoke to me! “YOU LAUGH AT MY SMALL DICK BODY?! LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!” It said to me! I could feel a strange sensation around my balls. I took off my pants, and my dick was slowly getting smaller! I had to defeat this beast before my dick disappeared! His hand seperated into the tiny dicks again, and I had to dodge them all! I then shot them, but they only fell down, and went back to his arm. He then seperated his whole body, and turned into the swarm again! This time though, I could see something. It was his core! I had to shoot the core to kill him! I had to do this fast, since my dick was shrinking even more and it really hurt.

I had to shoot the core when he swarmed at me. I was able to hit it a few times, and picked up his patterns quickly. I shot it one last time, and the dicks fell to the floor! I had won; or so I though. “HAHAHA! YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT ME! YOU'RE SCHLONG POWERS ARE NO MATCH FOR ME! I AM THE SCHLONG! AHAHAHAH!” he taunted. Then, the floor started to rumble, and out of the floor comes THE AVGN! “Mike, here's soms shit!” He then lauched shitty NES games at me! I panicked, and whacked it away. I then realized that it hit the dick demon, and he took damge from it! James kept lauching the games, and I kept hitting them at him! He then started to rumble, and he exploded! I was also relieved to see that my dick had returned to its regular size. The final cutscene then plays. It shows Mike and James going back to Earth, as the space station exploded, as well as the other dick demons. They return to Earth, and then play Mike Matei on the NES. Then the credits start to roll.

I laughed at the ending, and was ready to continue with my life. I was then horrified to see what was behind me when I looked behind. My son was standing there shocked, watching his dad play a game about dicks.