Anaconda.exe

Anaconda.exe

New music videos are some of the most watched videos on Youtube. Especially with the more famous artists among today's world. One of those artists are Nicki Minaj. I bet you're familiar with her videos. They usually consist of nothing but “booty shakin' hoes” all over the place. If you know Nicki Minaj, then you also probably know her newest music video, with her her new song, Anaconda. The video was bad enough with nothing but plastic flying around the place, but her awful singing topped it off. I also won't DARE to mention the... “one part.” If you've seen the video, you know the nightmare inducing scene I won't dare speak off. Yeah. You probably know. I shivering just thinking about that part. Fucking scary shit right there.

One day, I was checking my Skype to see if I had any new messages, and I got a message from a new user. His/her name was iliketacos227 and his profile was of a teddy bear. He sent me a strange file. It was called “Anaconda.exe.” I thought it was strange for someone to just send me a file and not even send me a message of any information about why they want to talk to me in the first place. I then sent him a message asking “Who the fuck actually are you?” He then replied “If I were to tell you, I'd have to kill you.” I made no reply. I turned on my anti- virus, and proceeded to click the file. It was a video of Nicki Minaj's Anaconda video. I fucking hated Nicki Minaj and her stupid booty hoe action. I shit my pants already since that shit gave me nightmares about plastic asses in my face, but I procceeded on.

The video started off as normal, in the forest, except it was a little different. First of all, it was dark which I thought was a little odd. Instead of having a ton of big booty hoes all over the fucking forest, which makes me even more scared of the woods and forests in general, but instead there was just Nicki Minaj there. She wasn't even shaking her fat ass like she always does. Now she was just staring at the camera, looking as pissed off as shit. Then it cut to the cooking part with the whipped cream all over her artificial boobies. She still continued to do this. Shortly after, I heard the Sir Mix a Lot line that I found to be the only decent part of the song play, but then Nicki Minaj pulled out an anaconda, and started to bite off its head. I was glad that it cut shortly, because I was almost ready to puke. It then went out of order from the video, since it went to the whipped cream part. She still poured it all on her inflatable boobies, but this was also different. This time she started to pour all of it in her mouth. I could here her gagging, like she couldn't take it anymore. I could also hear a quite whispering say “Keep going!” behind the camera. Then it cut to the workout scene. She then started dropping the weights on her feet, before she screamed in pain. I actually laughed my ass off at this part because that shit was fucking funny, I don't care who you are. I wasn't the only one, since I could here a small laughing or chuckle from the camera man. Nicki Minaj was fucking furious at this, and went behind the camera to kick that guy's poor ass. I started to laugh again. I was wondering whether this was supposed to be scary, or a parody. After five minutes of looking at the back round, Nicki Minaj comes back carrying the man, and then making his head grind on her crotch. She does this for a bit, and I could see blood coming from his mouth and onto her pants. She proceeded to lick it from his mouth. I was thinking, “Is he dead?” This is where I knew this wasn't something normal. I got truly scared here. Mabey he was the same guy making her swallow whipped cream. I don't actually know, or really care. In some sorta way, he kinda deserved that. Well they're both assholes. End of story.

It then started to cut between the different scene rapidly between the three scenes of her biting the snake, grinding that man's head like she was a skateboarder (OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH), and the whipped cream scene, except now she was spraying it from her crotch now, making it look like she was sexually climaxing all over the room. That actually made me laugh. Now music from the song was starting to play. It was “Oh my gosh, look at her butt” part. This time it was going much faster than the original song, and was getting louder by the second. Then it cut to the scene of the guy getting a lap dance. This started to weird me out, since it was one of my friends. I was like “WOAH NICE JOB EDWARD!” Edward was a good friend of mine. She then flipped the chair he was sitting on over! I was getting pissed off now. She then started to step on him with her heels! He started to cough up blood now. She then slammed the chair on him, breaking it. “YOU LUH DIS FAT ASS DONT YOU?!?!” she yelled. Nicki Minaj took the broken pieced of the chair, and shoved it down Edward's throat. He was too weak to fight back now. Nicki Minaj picked up a piece, and snapped it in half with her bare hands like she was Hulk Hogan. She then stabbed my friend in the eyes with the two crudely broken pieces! I could hear his screams of agony! Nicki Minaj then started saying similar quotes from the song. “I wanna play with your rifle Edward!” She then walked off screen for about a minute. She came back with a loaded rifle. She aimed it to his head, and shot him. Blood was then dripping on the floor! The camera went static for ten seconds before it came back to Nicki Minaj staring at the camera like at the beginning of the video again. She then started smiling at the camera. Shortly after though, she started to rip off her skin with her teeth! He arms came off first, then her skin started falling off. She then hit the floor screaming. After two more minutes of screaming, she revealed herself to the camera again. Nicki Minaj had turned into an actual anaconda! Except it wasn't a full real anaconda, here head was still there and was smiling crazily at the camera. Then her eyes turned into little pairs of buttcheeks. What the actual fuck had been happening. Then the instrumental started playing as she.......laughed. Her evil laugh that I didn't want to describe at the beginning. That laugh had given me nighmares of ever seeing anyone's ass cheeks or just butts in genral. Then I heard the line “My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun!”Then her mouth started opneing wider than it should have opened. What I saw inside of it made me throw up on my monitor. It was another large pair of buttcheeks. Then the pair of butt cheeks started coming out of monitor! THE NOW COVERED- IN- VOMIT BUTTCHEEKS WERE COMING TO GET ME! Then the buttcheeks “grabbed” a hold of my head. At this moment I knew my life was over. The buttcheeks then swallowed my body whole, and was crushing every bone in my body. That was the end for Jackie Clements.

Wait....if he died, then how is he writing the story? Well that's for you to figure out. But just temember. My anaconda won't want none unless you got buns hun......... ahahahahah!AHAHAHAHAHAHAH HUUUUUUUUUUUUH. WE DON'T WANT NO SKINNY BITCHES MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!